Monday, July 12, 2010

All Inked Up

Yesterday while I was doing some grocery shopping a woman stopped me in an aisle and said "Miss, I just want to tell you that your tattoo is so beautiful. The colors & design are just amazing." I thanked her & she asked me a question or two about it and then we parted ways. Later that night while standing on a subway platform with some friends, a stranger approached me to compliment me on the same tattoo and then continued to ask me a laundry list of questions about it - Thank God the train came soon after THAT started.

This has been happening a lot more lately, mainly due to the weather being so warm causing me to wear less layers & more tank tops, dresses etc. I have multiple tattoos but the one on my right arm is most visible & in my opinion (and in what I have been told by others) a very interesting tattoo. (by the way, in case you haven't seen it, you can see a picture of the tattoo here.)
It's eye-catching & it's different - the coloring alone draws people in. I knew getting this piece would mean dealing with instances like the 2 scenarios above and I do not at all regret getting it or having it. Most of the time, I am very much grateful for the compliments & obliged to answer questions. But to be completely honest, there are times I can't be bothered. A friend commented last night that I should get the questions I get asked most often along with the answers tattooed on the other arm so that I wouldn't have to answer them all the time. I thought that was hilarious & genius at the same time (and no, I won't be doing that).

Tattoos have meaning to people - it's art on a person's skin. Explaining a tattoo is much like explaining a piece of art to someone. Even though the artwork/tattoo may have a specific meaning or a concept to convey, everyone sees something just a bit different about or in the artwork/tattoo. Also, you can't make someone understand passion or beauty. They either see it or they don't. Attempting to explain it to someone who might not have a connection to what the artwork/tattoo represents or even had the experience of creating art/creating & getting a tattoo makes it even more difficult.

About a year ago, I wrote a play about tattoos, specifically my tattoos and what I think and believe tattoos/getting tattoos represent to others and what they mean to me. I recently found that first draft and have been revising it here and there but my thoughts on tattoos are still the same since the day I got my first one done 12 years ago. My mom's comment to me once sums it up in one sentence: "It's your body - do what you want".

I haven't decided whether I want to post the play here because I may use it for something else in the future. If it does or doesn't get used, I will eventually post it.

One thing I have decided - I will be getting more tattoos.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

more wrongs than rights; more downs than ups

In the last decade or so, I've sensed a pattern in my life.
I've noticed that it seems to happen at least twice a year (if I'm lucky) and lasts for an indefinite amount of time.

I could be going along with my life, not particularly stressed or troubled, maybe even excited about something in particular or eager to do something.
Everything seems, and actually is, OK.
I'm ok.

Then, much like celebrity deaths, out of nowhere I get pelted with not 1, not 2 but 3 (or more) problems or situations ALL AT ONCE. Now, I'm not saying I'm the only person in the universe that this happens to (I mean, I know we are ALL affected by celebrity deaths - we miss you BEA!) but I can say that personally for me when shit starts to hit the multiple fucking fans day after day, I start to shut down. It's draining, consuming & makes me want to just shut down.

I basically want to just run - and if you know me, I LOATHE running. I want to throw my hands in the air, say fuck it/this/you and just peace out.

Logically I know that won't solve or fix anything. I think the fact that I get hit with multiple problems at once is what gives me the 'run for the hills' instinct. And I actually don't pick up & go anywhere or do anything. I instead run internally. I get distant. I already internalize everything too much and I become even more absent-minded than I am on a good day.

I can't talk about what's eating at me lately and this is my FUCKING blog. I don't even know where to start.

All I do know is aside from wanting the recent events & problems to cease, I want, no, NEED some sort of mental stability.

I can't wear the "I'm fine/everything's fine" mask much longer.
It's starting to crack.