Sunday, February 24, 2013

random thoughts

I have now become that person at concerts/shows who calls people out on doing douchebag-things like shoving/pushing and acting like they are the only people there to see the show. Most people appreciate me saying something since no one else does, especially since it usually get directed to underaged teenagers. It also makes me feel old.

After watching most of the Oscars, I now understand what people who don't follow/like sports feel like during sporting major events. Nothing really stood out to me but I was really impressed with the set & lighting design on stage the whole night. I have wanted to see Silver Linings Playbook for awhile, I just haven't gotten a chance.

I feel like I've been a bad friend lately.  I've been stumbling along with a lot on my own plate so if I've been distant and neglectful, I do apologize.

I still have yet to revise my short story. Another thing I keep putting off - I feel completely stuck and in a fog about it.

You've been in my dreams lately.
It makes me wish I could stay asleep all the time.
I doubt you feel the same but I just thought you should know.

Saw this today & loved it:

And now I'm off to bed and hopefully dreamland.

Monday, February 18, 2013

things I did this weekend that helped me not lose my mind after a frustrating and emotional week

slept in and slept well. I even dreamed. I had some weird dreams but dreams nonetheless.

talked with/vented to great friends, some who reached out to me when I didn't expect anyone to. That means more to me than they know. I am truly fortunate to have amazing people in my life.

went to yoga and did certain poses I thought I couldn't do anymore.

heard a song that seemed at first to be playing at an inappropriate time but then it hit me, in a way that I felt like it was speaking to me. That sounds really stupid but honestly, it couldn't have come at a better time. 

relaxed in a hot bath until my skin was bright red and my fingers look like raisins.

watched some of my favorite movies.

snuggled with my cats.

wrote this and started to revise the 2nd draft of my short story for a writing project.

revised my resume, posted it a few sites and sent it to a few different people.

realized that I need to do things for me every once in awhile and make myself happy before anything and anyone else.

I had a good 'me' weekend. I should have them more often.

Friday, February 15, 2013


There are few times in my life where I have been rendered speechless. I can count them on one hand. All of them involved hearing things I didn't want to or wishing that at that specific moment I could disappear.
I now have another one to add to that list. When I received the phone call I did on Sunday, I could do nothing more that just listen. But listening was more than enough to bear.

The little unit of a 'family' that I once had is no more.

Honestly, it neither surprised me nor saddened me to finally hear that those words have become a reality. For as long as I can remember, we've never felt like a family. From a young age, we were rarely all together. In high school, I started comparing our relationships to each other as being more like '3 roommates who had different lives all living in the same house but just happened to be related' than being a family. With age, I realized the issues that were going on & the stress and unhappiness it was causing that began to mount higher and higher.

If anything, I'm more concerned about what is going to happen from here on out. What the future holds for each of us. Being an only child just complicates things. Plus as an adult, you would think this would be easier to handle. Then again, emotions don't care about age or time.

It's times like this I wish I had someone to hug me and hold me, whispering in my ear that everything's going to be okay. Instead I walk around this city, alone, with music blaring deafeningly through my headphones, in hopes it will block everything out - even my own thoughts.

I want to see love, feel love, know love. Lately there hasn't been too much of it around for me.
I have a lot of love to give - it just seems that no one wants it.

Not a single Happy Valentine's Day. Not even from them.

It's been some week. I am glad it's over.