Sunday, March 24, 2013

these things.

knowing spring is here (even though the weather won't let us believe it) and that summer is close behind and thinking of all the amazing things I have planned to fill them.

baseball will be back 1 week from today.

making a friend laugh when they really needed it.

falling asleep/waking up next to someone.

having people take a chance on you.

reading 'they don't think it's cancer' in a text message from someone you love.

watching a Dad on the subway not so secretly 'steal' Teddy Grahams from his child's snack bag and eat them.

seeing one of your favorite movies of all time in a theater.

getting woken up by your pet just so they can cuddle with you.

seeing/reading this (via PostSecret) and having it stir up some faith in yourself:

Saturday, March 9, 2013


I was fortunate enough to meet Mariano Rivera once.

It was July 2006 at Yankee Stadium, outside the Yankees locker room (no, I really wasn't supposed to be down there but yes I had a sweet connection that managed to sneak me down there after the game.) I was standing in the hallway outside of where most of the press gathered pre and post games. I walked up to him and said "Excuse Mr. Rivera, would you mind signing my Dad's jersey? I would appreciate it."  He smiled and said very softspokenly, "yes, of course." He signed it, I thanked him several times, shook his hand and watched him leave. He could not have been nicer and I've heard from many, before and after this encounter, that he has always been a gracious & humble man. He seems like a superhero that can throw the most lethal of cutters across the plate but he is also a father that would watch his kids get on the school bus in the morning and oblige neighborhood fans for autographs and meetings. (He lived several streets over from where I grew up in the mid 90s as well.)

As a sports fan, especially a Yankee fan, I know I'm very lucky to have witnessed his greatness in my lifetime and especially in person at the 'Houses that Ruth (and now George) Built.' I have no doubt he will go on to be inducted into the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown and will forever be known in Yankee & baseball history as one of the best players to ever play the game. 'Enter Sandman' has forever taken on new meaning to all fans.

Mo, Thank you for all your hard work and efforts over the years in pinstripes.
Enjoy this final season - I know I will.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Nobody puts Baby in the corner

"I told you I was telling the truth Daddy. I'm sorry I lied to you. But you lied too. You told me everyone was alike and deserved a fair break. But you meant everyone who was like you. You told me you wanted me to change the world, make it better. But you meant by becoming a lawyer or an economist and marrying someone from Harvard. I'm not proud of myself, but I'm in this family too and you can't keep giving me the silent treatment. There are a lot of things about me that aren't what you thought. But if you love me, you have to love all the things about me. And I love you, and I'm sorry I let you down, I'm so sorry Daddy. But you let me down too."

I wish life could be more like the last scene/final show of the season from Dirty Dancing.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

random thoughts

I have now become that person at concerts/shows who calls people out on doing douchebag-things like shoving/pushing and acting like they are the only people there to see the show. Most people appreciate me saying something since no one else does, especially since it usually get directed to underaged teenagers. It also makes me feel old.

After watching most of the Oscars, I now understand what people who don't follow/like sports feel like during sporting major events. Nothing really stood out to me but I was really impressed with the set & lighting design on stage the whole night. I have wanted to see Silver Linings Playbook for awhile, I just haven't gotten a chance.

I feel like I've been a bad friend lately.  I've been stumbling along with a lot on my own plate so if I've been distant and neglectful, I do apologize.

I still have yet to revise my short story. Another thing I keep putting off - I feel completely stuck and in a fog about it.

You've been in my dreams lately.
It makes me wish I could stay asleep all the time.
I doubt you feel the same but I just thought you should know.

Saw this today & loved it:

And now I'm off to bed and hopefully dreamland.

Monday, February 18, 2013

things I did this weekend that helped me not lose my mind after a frustrating and emotional week

slept in and slept well. I even dreamed. I had some weird dreams but dreams nonetheless.

talked with/vented to great friends, some who reached out to me when I didn't expect anyone to. That means more to me than they know. I am truly fortunate to have amazing people in my life.

went to yoga and did certain poses I thought I couldn't do anymore.

heard a song that seemed at first to be playing at an inappropriate time but then it hit me, in a way that I felt like it was speaking to me. That sounds really stupid but honestly, it couldn't have come at a better time. 

relaxed in a hot bath until my skin was bright red and my fingers look like raisins.

watched some of my favorite movies.

snuggled with my cats.

wrote this and started to revise the 2nd draft of my short story for a writing project.

revised my resume, posted it a few sites and sent it to a few different people.

realized that I need to do things for me every once in awhile and make myself happy before anything and anyone else.

I had a good 'me' weekend. I should have them more often.

Friday, February 15, 2013


There are few times in my life where I have been rendered speechless. I can count them on one hand. All of them involved hearing things I didn't want to or wishing that at that specific moment I could disappear.
I now have another one to add to that list. When I received the phone call I did on Sunday, I could do nothing more that just listen. But listening was more than enough to bear.

The little unit of a 'family' that I once had is no more.

Honestly, it neither surprised me nor saddened me to finally hear that those words have become a reality. For as long as I can remember, we've never felt like a family. From a young age, we were rarely all together. In high school, I started comparing our relationships to each other as being more like '3 roommates who had different lives all living in the same house but just happened to be related' than being a family. With age, I realized the issues that were going on & the stress and unhappiness it was causing that began to mount higher and higher.

If anything, I'm more concerned about what is going to happen from here on out. What the future holds for each of us. Being an only child just complicates things. Plus as an adult, you would think this would be easier to handle. Then again, emotions don't care about age or time.

It's times like this I wish I had someone to hug me and hold me, whispering in my ear that everything's going to be okay. Instead I walk around this city, alone, with music blaring deafeningly through my headphones, in hopes it will block everything out - even my own thoughts.

I want to see love, feel love, know love. Lately there hasn't been too much of it around for me.
I have a lot of love to give - it just seems that no one wants it.

Not a single Happy Valentine's Day. Not even from them.

It's been some week. I am glad it's over.

Monday, January 7, 2013

goodbye 2012. hello 2013, my Jesus year.

If celebrating the fact that it's my Jesus year doesn't get you excited for 2013, then I don't know what will.

2012 was a really great year for me. I honestly can't believe all the wonderful experiences, amazing people and unforgettable memories I had all year, especially this summer. To be fair, my year was far from perfect - I did have some issues in the form of debit card theft, job strife (currently on-going) and a very well sprained ankle to deal with. But those were just hiccups. I was truly fortunate this year & kept thinking I didn't want it to end. But as the calendar and real life reminded me, I knew that it would ultimately have to. So is life.

I was looking back on goals I set (and wrote about here on this blog) over the last 2 years and I'm really impressed with the things I've accomplished, whether intentional or not:
I've been cigarette free for 2 years now.
I put my dancing shoes back on and danced on stage for the first time in a long time.
I have pushed myself more so creatively, especially in writing and I continue to do so.
I've tried new things and taken risks - not caring if I failed or succeeded but to just do them.

As I think about what I want to accomplish this year, I have less specific goals than in the past. Some seem a bit more generalized but can be open to interpretation:

*Be active - This for me can be interpreted on many different levels from 'turn off the TV and go outside/write/read more' to 'get my lazy ass to yoga more'
*Continue to push and put myself out there creatively (again WRITE MORE - I might bring back the Free Thought Fridays to help keep the writing up)
*Give more to others
*Try to put more money into my savings account instead of taking it out
*See a baseball game in a stadium I haven't been to before
*Visit a new state
*Take a real vacation - going to London really opened my eyes to what 'getting away' means. Even if it's just a long weekend of going somewhere by myself, I really love the idea of just leaving life behind for awhile and doing something for yourself.

And this is the biggest one of all:
*I would really really REALLY like to leave my job. I want to start working towards a career in media, and not just have a job. I don't feel challenged anymore where I am & I have no potential for growth. And ultimately, I want to enjoy what I do. I had some potential bites this past year but nothing came from it. I'm hoping that this year brings some new opportunities or at least a step in the right direction.
(Hey Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - this is where you guys come in!)

All this aside, I want 2013 to be just as awesome as 2012. No, actually I want it to be better - a bigger and better year filled with more adventures & more amazing things.
I mean it is my Jesus year, people. Something epic has to happen.

So, I'm ready for you 2013 - you better be ready for me :)