Friday, February 15, 2013
There are few times in my life where I have been rendered speechless. I can count them on one hand. All of them involved hearing things I didn't want to or wishing that at that specific moment I could disappear.
I now have another one to add to that list. When I received the phone call I did on Sunday, I could do nothing more that just listen. But listening was more than enough to bear.
The little unit of a 'family' that I once had is no more.
Honestly, it neither surprised me nor saddened me to finally hear that those words have become a reality. For as long as I can remember, we've never felt like a family. From a young age, we were rarely all together. In high school, I started comparing our relationships to each other as being more like '3 roommates who had different lives all living in the same house but just happened to be related' than being a family. With age, I realized the issues that were going on & the stress and unhappiness it was causing that began to mount higher and higher.
If anything, I'm more concerned about what is going to happen from here on out. What the future holds for each of us. Being an only child just complicates things. Plus as an adult, you would think this would be easier to handle. Then again, emotions don't care about age or time.
It's times like this I wish I had someone to hug me and hold me, whispering in my ear that everything's going to be okay. Instead I walk around this city, alone, with music blaring deafeningly through my headphones, in hopes it will block everything out - even my own thoughts.
I want to see love, feel love, know love. Lately there hasn't been too much of it around for me.
I have a lot of love to give - it just seems that no one wants it.
Not a single Happy Valentine's Day. Not even from them.
It's been some week. I am glad it's over.