Friday, February 5, 2010

A penny for my thoughts?

Work has been beating me down like a red-headed stepchild lately and I haven't posted in awhile...If I had more than 10 mins, I could probably write lengthy, detailed entries on all of them but I'm only allowing myself 10 minutes to write this post because I have a billion other things to be doing but especially writing, such as my story for my class on Monday & revising/adding to my proposal.

The things that have been on my mind lately...

I need a change. A change in temperature, a change of clothes, a change of pace, a change of scenery, a change of address, a change in diet - any change will do. A change of seasons would be nice but according to that rodent they claim can see its shadow, that won't be happening anytime soon.

Speaking of scenery, I'm in serious need of a vacation. And I don't mean "take a few days off work to sit in my apartment" vacation, I mean I need get away and forget about my life for a few days. A few friends have been harping on me to get my passport (I do not have one. yea, I know it's weird. want to know more interesting/weird/slightly crazy stuff about me? go here) I really want to go somewhere I've never been before. If I'm getting as much as I think I am from my tax return, I see a possible trip in my future. And if that doesn't happen, I'm adding onto my tattoo.

Since the start of the New Year, I have gone from writing very casually when I have an idea/wave of creativity & mainly for personal reasons to being assigned to write personal stories & presenting them in front of others. Oh, and I've been posting stuff here I NEVER thought I would. I really can't stop and think about it because if I do, I may start having an anxiety attack and quite possibly be sick.

My family is slowly falling apart. And I seem to be the last thread straining to keep it all together. It's a heavy load to bear and I don't want to be the monkey in the middle anymore.

I recently rediscovered the enormous power belting out songs while late night driving can do for your soul. Music never ceases to let me down when I most need it.

My current top 5 things I have a "love/hate relationship with" at the moment, in no particular order: sleeping, therapy, myself, smoking, & my apartment.

No mode of transportation can get you home fast enough when you've just had your heart broken.

I feel stuck. Stuck like gum on the bottom of your shoe? Not exactly. More like when after a snowstorm, you have to go dig your car out of the 18 inches of snow it's covered in and you attempt to push/pry/do anything to get it over the mound of snow the sanitation dept. has so nicely left directly in front of your driveway.... or kind of like when you walk up to your apartment door after a long day at work, & you're rabidly searching for your keys in your bag, only to realize you left them on your kitchen counter this morning and now have no way to get in.... that kind of stuck. Stuck on what? A lot of different things, but I think I mostly feel like I'm stuck in cruise control & there's no one really paying attention to the directions or cares to take the wheel - so I just keep going.

I feel like I'm missing something... or possibly, everything.

1 comment:

  1. You are exactly where you need to be. Cruise control is cool because it's a cruise. Take a breath, let go, and enjoy the ride - even if it's a bumpy motherf*cker.