Monday, May 24, 2010

moving on and forward

I'm not good with letting things go.

Due to my upcoming move (t-minus 9 days), I have been forced to make decisions about things I want to bring with me & what I must part with for what I'm calling "space limitations". This process actually has been a lot easier & freeing than I ever thought. Word of Advice: if you want to do a major cleaning of your apartment/room/shitpile, convince yourself that you can only keep 1/4 of it (which is really all I CAN bring) Believe me, it WORKS.

I also have a slight problem with making decisions, not about everything but a fair share of things. Moving is a big decision. I've put a lot of thought into this move (both pros & cons) and have talked to many people about it. An amazing friend of mine (who I will miss very much) is moving and needed to find someone to take his little studio apartment in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn and I knew I couldn't pass this opportunity up. I've been desperately trying to move back into the city for a little over a year and it's so incredibly hard to find nice & inexpensive apartments w/o roommates. I've lived on my own for sometime now & I really did not want to have to subject myself or my cats into going back to having roommates again and this cute & inexpensive little apartment just seemed to draw me in more & more. Honestly, it was never really a question of 'should I move?' but what are some of the consequences of my move?'.... The main issue being my Father's reaction & attitude towards my move. He was the last person I told & I know he's not ecstatic that I'm moving (he's been acting like hates me lately since he thinks I'm leaving him) but he does need to realize that I am almost 30 years old, have my own life & can make my own choices. This part isn't over unfortunately but he needs to realize that I need to move on and maybe he sort of does too.

In the last 8 years, I have moved around about 8 times (no evictions, thank you very much.) Don't think I'm a fan of moving, because I am clearly NOT. I hate the physical act of moving - the packing & planning & lifting & asking for help - which is why, for the 1st time, I am caving & hiring movers. That aside, moving is still a stressful situation. My nerves, brain & sense of time are completely fried - this can also be attributed to watching too much LOST lately - but I know this will all be for the best. I think for the first time, I'm not moving to escape someone/something as I have in the past. I'm not moving thinking it will resolve an issue or whatever other diluted reason I convinced myself was why I should move. This time, I'm moving for the right reasons. I'm moving to help better myself, to grow and learn. I'm moving towards bigger & better things. I'm moving because I want to be happy and I really truly believe this will help do that.

I'm moving for me.

oh and so I don't have to crash on people's couches anymore.

So this is my early goodbye to Eastchester, NY. You have been a great place to grow up in, come back to & even move back to but lately, things have changed. You have little to offer me and others I know have left you long ago. We both know we have been growing farther & farther apart and things just haven't been the same. I don't think we were ever meant to be. This isn't a forever goodbye, more of a see you soon. I will come back to visit. Thank you for the memories. And take care of my Dad - he's not going anywhere.

And to Brooklyn: I'm coming back, bitches! Be ready for me!

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