i want to write more.
i need to write more.
i want to create more things, meaningful things.
i want to smoke more. i mean less. no, i actually mean more.
i should do more yoga. my neck & back will thank me.
i want more sleep or at least try to get better sleep.
i should spend more time with my cats. i think that they miss me.... at least i tell myself that.
i should eat more but that's doubtful to happen. i'll stick to eating healthier.
i need to call my mom more even if she doesn't pick up. i miss her.
i want more time to relax.
i don't want the summer to end - specifically this summer but summer in general nonetheless.
i want more warm, sunny days for sitting on blankets or under trees, listening to the wind blow & watching life go by.
i want more clarity.
i want to be more hopeful.
i want time to stop right here and now.
i want more time to just be.
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
i'd count anything if it could get me some sleep
I feel like a zombie. And if you've seen me in the last 5 days or so, I am probably beginning to resemble one of these guys (ok, maybe not THAT bad but you get the idea). I think if the bags under my eyes get any bigger, I could quite possibly carry my groceries home in them, with some room to spare.
Why are you so drained & 'out of it' you ask? Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't ask? Well, I'll tell you anyway. Recently I haven't been sleeping well. I usually have no problems falling asleep within about 20 minutes of getting under the covers but lately, I can't fall asleep for hours. I get in bed expecting to go to sleep & then just can't - I just toss & turn trying to find the exact spot that will let me get into my REM phase. I've tried reading, writing, turning the TV on, turning it off, but nothing seems to be working. Normally I can function on limited hours of sleep after a night out and have no problem getting up for work or getting to whatever it is I have to do, but when it happens several days in a row, I can feel the zombie state of mind start to set in.
The worst part about all of this is I think I know exactly why I can't sleep and I don't know how (or if it's even possible) to fix it - I think too much. It's sounds like such a simple problem but it is far from simple. My mind is constantly on the go, thinking about anything & everything. I also have the smallest tendency to over analyze things (and if you know me, you know that was the most insane understatement), which I like to partially blame on my minor case of OCD, but I really can't make excuses. It's a part of who I am. It is really just your classic combination of issues: family, work, myself, life. I normally can deal with those things one at time but it seems like right now, every one of those are fighting each other to get to the top for the title of "Nicole's biggest problem".
I honestly think that if I could turn off my thoughts, this would immediately fix my sleeping issue. If it were that easy - it would solve A LOT of my problems.
But until someone invents something like that, (introducing the Mindswitch - turn thoughts on/off at your leisure!) my friends, my therapist & the Blogging world will just have to suffer... I mean listen, to me just ramble on :)
Why are you so drained & 'out of it' you ask? Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't ask? Well, I'll tell you anyway. Recently I haven't been sleeping well. I usually have no problems falling asleep within about 20 minutes of getting under the covers but lately, I can't fall asleep for hours. I get in bed expecting to go to sleep & then just can't - I just toss & turn trying to find the exact spot that will let me get into my REM phase. I've tried reading, writing, turning the TV on, turning it off, but nothing seems to be working. Normally I can function on limited hours of sleep after a night out and have no problem getting up for work or getting to whatever it is I have to do, but when it happens several days in a row, I can feel the zombie state of mind start to set in.
The worst part about all of this is I think I know exactly why I can't sleep and I don't know how (or if it's even possible) to fix it - I think too much. It's sounds like such a simple problem but it is far from simple. My mind is constantly on the go, thinking about anything & everything. I also have the smallest tendency to over analyze things (and if you know me, you know that was the most insane understatement), which I like to partially blame on my minor case of OCD, but I really can't make excuses. It's a part of who I am. It is really just your classic combination of issues: family, work, myself, life. I normally can deal with those things one at time but it seems like right now, every one of those are fighting each other to get to the top for the title of "Nicole's biggest problem".
I honestly think that if I could turn off my thoughts, this would immediately fix my sleeping issue. If it were that easy - it would solve A LOT of my problems.
But until someone invents something like that, (introducing the Mindswitch - turn thoughts on/off at your leisure!) my friends, my therapist & the Blogging world will just have to suffer... I mean listen, to me just ramble on :)
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