I feel like a zombie. And if you've seen me in the last 5 days or so, I am probably beginning to resemble one of these guys (ok, maybe not THAT bad but you get the idea). I think if the bags under my eyes get any bigger, I could quite possibly carry my groceries home in them, with some room to spare.
Why are you so drained & 'out of it' you ask? Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't ask? Well, I'll tell you anyway. Recently I haven't been sleeping well. I usually have no problems falling asleep within about 20 minutes of getting under the covers but lately, I can't fall asleep for hours. I get in bed expecting to go to sleep & then just can't - I just toss & turn trying to find the exact spot that will let me get into my REM phase. I've tried reading, writing, turning the TV on, turning it off, but nothing seems to be working. Normally I can function on limited hours of sleep after a night out and have no problem getting up for work or getting to whatever it is I have to do, but when it happens several days in a row, I can feel the zombie state of mind start to set in.
The worst part about all of this is I think I know exactly why I can't sleep and I don't know how (or if it's even possible) to fix it - I think too much. It's sounds like such a simple problem but it is far from simple. My mind is constantly on the go, thinking about anything & everything. I also have the smallest tendency to over analyze things (and if you know me, you know that was the most insane understatement), which I like to partially blame on my minor case of OCD, but I really can't make excuses. It's a part of who I am. It is really just your classic combination of issues: family, work, myself, life. I normally can deal with those things one at time but it seems like right now, every one of those are fighting each other to get to the top for the title of "Nicole's biggest problem".
I honestly think that if I could turn off my thoughts, this would immediately fix my sleeping issue. If it were that easy - it would solve A LOT of my problems.
But until someone invents something like that, (introducing the Mindswitch - turn thoughts on/off at your leisure!) my friends, my therapist & the Blogging world will just have to suffer... I mean listen, to me just ramble on :)