things I did this weekend that helped me not lose my mind after a frustrating and emotional week

slept in and slept well. I even dreamed. I had some weird dreams but dreams nonetheless.

talked with/vented to great friends, some who reached out to me when I didn't expect anyone to. That means more to me than they know. I am truly fortunate to have amazing people in my life.

went to yoga and did certain poses I thought I couldn't do anymore.

heard a song that seemed at first to be playing at an inappropriate time but then it hit me, in a way that I felt like it was speaking to me. That sounds really stupid but honestly, it couldn't have come at a better time. 

relaxed in a hot bath until my skin was bright red and my fingers look like raisins.

watched some of my favorite movies.

snuggled with my cats.

wrote this and started to revise the 2nd draft of my short story for a writing project.

revised my resume, posted it a few sites and sent it to a few different people.

realized that I need to do things for me every once in awhile and make myself happy before anything and anyone else.


I had a good 'me' weekend. I should have them more often.

venting.

There are few times in my life where I have been rendered speechless. I can count them on one hand. All of them involved hearing things I didn't want to or wishing that at that specific moment I could disappear.
I now have another one to add to that list. When I received the phone call I did on Sunday, I could do nothing more that just listen. But listening was more than enough to bear.

The little unit of a 'family' that I once had is no more.

Honestly, it neither surprised me nor saddened me to finally hear that those words have become a reality. For as long as I can remember, we've never felt like a family. From a young age, we were rarely all together. In high school, I started comparing our relationships to each other as being more like '3 roommates who had different lives all living in the same house but just happened to be related' than being a family. With age, I realized the issues that were going on & the stress and unhappiness it was causing that began to mount higher and higher.


If anything, I'm more concerned about what is going to happen from here on out. What the future holds for each of us. Being an only child just complicates things. Plus as an adult, you would think this would be easier to handle. Then again, emotions don't care about age or time.


It's times like this I wish I had someone to hug me and hold me, whispering in my ear that everything's going to be okay. Instead I walk around this city, alone, with music blaring deafeningly through my headphones, in hopes it will block everything out - even my own thoughts.

I want to see love, feel love, know love. Lately there hasn't been too much of it around for me.
I have a lot of love to give - it just seems that no one wants it.


Not a single Happy Valentine's Day. Not even from them.


It's been some week. I am glad it's over.

goodbye 2012. hello 2013, my Jesus year.

If celebrating the fact that it's my Jesus year doesn't get you excited for 2013, then I don't know what will.

2012 was a really great year for me. I honestly can't believe all the wonderful experiences, amazing people and unforgettable memories I had all year, especially this summer. To be fair, my year was far from perfect - I did have some issues in the form of debit card theft, job strife (currently on-going) and a very well sprained ankle to deal with. But those were just hiccups. I was truly fortunate this year & kept thinking I didn't want it to end. But as the calendar and real life reminded me, I knew that it would ultimately have to. So is life.


I was looking back on goals I set (and wrote about here on this blog) over the last 2 years and I'm really impressed with the things I've accomplished, whether intentional or not:
I've been cigarette free for 2 years now.
I put my dancing shoes back on and danced on stage for the first time in a long time.
I have pushed myself more so creatively, especially in writing and I continue to do so.
I've tried new things and taken risks - not caring if I failed or succeeded but to just do them.


As I think about what I want to accomplish this year, I have less specific goals than in the past. Some seem a bit more generalized but can be open to interpretation:

*Be active - This for me can be interpreted on many different levels from 'turn off the TV and go outside/write/read more' to 'get my lazy ass to yoga more'
*Continue to push and put myself out there creatively (again WRITE MORE - I might bring back the Free Thought Fridays to help keep the writing up)
*Give more to others
*Try to put more money into my savings account instead of taking it out
*See a baseball game in a stadium I haven't been to before
*Visit a new state
*Take a real vacation - going to London really opened my eyes to what 'getting away' means. Even if it's just a long weekend of going somewhere by myself, I really love the idea of just leaving life behind for awhile and doing something for yourself.

And this is the biggest one of all:
*I would really really REALLY like to leave my job. I want to start working towards a career in media, and not just have a job. I don't feel challenged anymore where I am & I have no potential for growth. And ultimately, I want to enjoy what I do. I had some potential bites this past year but nothing came from it. I'm hoping that this year brings some new opportunities or at least a step in the right direction.
(Hey Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - this is where you guys come in!)


All this aside, I want 2013 to be just as awesome as 2012. No, actually I want it to be better - a bigger and better year filled with more adventures & more amazing things.
I mean it is my Jesus year, people. Something epic has to happen.

So, I'm ready for you 2013 - you better be ready for me :)

I've had the time of my life...

What did I do this Summer you ask?
Well here is an abridged list...

I traveled. To new places, to old places.
I traveled with friends, to see friends and made a TON of new ones.
I traveled with family and even by myself.
I traveled a whole lot of miles to see my favorite band all over the country, even all the way to the west coast.
I got Dave Matthews to turn around on his bike and come back to say hi to me (and others) and also wear my sock monkey hat in the middle of a heatwave.
I gave Stefan Lessard a monkey and my autograph. (not kidding)
I rediscovered love & happiness again.
I might have found what U2 was looking for...
I traveled across an ocean for the 1st time.
I walked around London like I owned it. and I walked A LOT.
I got tattooed. (of course)
I got to experience an Olympic city in person.
I officially confirmed my nerdiness for all that is Harry Potter by going here.
I took a bazillion pictures. yes, 1 bazillion. pictures of what? pictures of EVERYTHING. (You can see all my London pictures here and all my DMB pictures are in albums on Facebook)
I met some Olympians. and Danny Devito.
I had about 4 or 5 famous people tell me that my tattoos are 'really cool', 'very nice' or 'sick'.
I got to talk to and drink whiskey with one of my favorite English musicians.
I also got the drunkest I've been in a LONG time in London.(thank you, Frank Turner)

I was in the most kickass picture ever taken on Abbey Road (sorry Paul, John, George & Ringo but it's true):

I got to do roll call at Yankee Stadium with Bald Vinny & the Bleacher Creatures. (!!!!!!)
I got on the jumbotron at Yankee Stadium while doing my best YMCA. (the C goes to the left people)
I got on TV while singing and dancing like a fool. several times.


Basically with a mix of spontaneity, luck and a whole lot of love, I have had some of the most memorable & incredibly amazing times of my life this summer. It will certainly be hard to top it.

Goodbye Summer 2012. You will be missed and forever remembered.

Free Thought Fridays (Issue 9) - Triple Threat Edition

I know, I know. I haven't posted in 3 weeks. In my defense, I have been busy. And no, that's not an excuse like "oh, sorry I haven't called you back - I've been SO busy that I can't pick up the phone, hit 1 button to talk to you while I do some random other thing and multitask" kind of excuse - I have been BUSY busy.

Here are some of the things I have done in the last 3 weeks (in no particular order):

~working my BUTT off (I have been a slave to the Paley Center this past month.)
~saw Sleep No More
~went to 2 concerts
~went to the Brooklyn Flea
~got more tattoo work done (left forearm is still a work in progress)
~cleaning up after my cats (this requires A LOT of time - they are just like teenagers I swear)
~going to Yoga
~NOT drinking ( i've gone over 1 month of no alcohol! yeah, I KNOW right?!)
~going to brunch
~opening an online savings account (nothing says 'you're a grown up' more than that statement I just wrote down)
~asking anyone who knows anything about London about places to go/things to do when I'm there
~fighting a losing battle against my sinuses (I foresee another z-pack in my future)
~practicing my dance routines (practicing them in my head counts, right?)
~sleeping whenever possible
~spent hours previewing songs on itunes debating on whether I like it enough to buy it or just continue to listen to it on Spotify
~spent hours on youtube watching things like this or like this and finally this

So yeah, I've been pretty busy.

I would write more but at this moment but I'm going home to sleep and attempt to breathe normally again.

Wish me luck.

Free Thought Fridays (Issue 8) - Monday Edition

Doing the Monday thing again - work has been pretty hectic with Paley Fest starting last week and all - plus I wanted something to distract me from doing work today so here I am.

Round Trip flight to London has been purchased! It's actually happening people, I'm leaving the United States and going abroad. This is the first real adult vacation and the first time I've taken any sort of vacation in over a decade. Next on my agenda - get a passport (yeah, I've never had one of those.) I'm hoping to get that done sometime this week at the post office. I guess it's time to dig out my birth certificate.

Also, all 3 dates that I requested for the DMB 2012 Summer tour are MINE! Alpine & Bethel, here I come! Also, I'm bringing my Mom to her first DMB show. Yep. That is also going to happen this Summer.

Spring is almost here! and I can't wait to see this happen - and the Botanical Garden is right across the street from my apartment! I'm also really excited to see this exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum which is also right across the street from me. (Don't tell anyone but in the almost 2 years that I've been living in Prospect Heights, I haven't been to either of these amazing places - I know, I'm terrible.)

and now a random thought on the subject of museums:
When I was younger, I used to think that the giant blue whale that hangs in the Ocean Life Hall at the American Museum of Natural History in Manhattan was real. I knew it wasn't alive anymore (duh - it needed to be in water to survive) but I thought it was some sort of frozen/preserved version of an actual blue whale. I also thought I would be the one it would come crashing down and fall on if I walked underneath it.

As promised, here is my newest ink:



I go back in about 2 weeks to get some more work done on my left forearm.

and I leave you all with this: a recipe for Funfetti Cake Batter Dip. yeah, I know - I'm evil.

Free Thought Fridays (Issue 7)

I usually don't participate in the whole Lent 'giving something up' deal but I think I'm going to challenge myself this year. Hell, if I can quit smoking, I think I can do just about anything. So I decided to give up alcohol. Yep, you read that correctly. It's definitely going to be challenging to do for 40 straight days but I'm pretty confident I can do it.

I'm getting new ink tomorrow! There are very few things that get me as excited as getting tattoo work done. I'm really excited to see how my ideas all come together tomorrow. and yes, pictures will most definitely be posted in next week's FTF.

In the last 10 days, I've gotten flowers (delivered to my job no less) and a mixed CD from a guy. I must be doing something right. or that magic spell is really working.

Mixes (tapes or CDs or playlists) are completely underrated - if you love music and getting a creative gift, then you really can't go wrong with getting a mix from someone. Sure you might not love ALL the songs but I guarantee you will discover a new song by a band you love or a new artist all together. I'm going to start utilizing this gift more. (hint hint, friends and loved ones)

It kind of bothers me when the only person who gets the final Jeopardy! question right doesn't win the overall game.

The top 2 reasons I am so excited to go to London this Summer (and I'm not joking):
-to hear everyone talk in an English accent
-to re-enact this scene from "National Lampoon's European Vacation"

Speaking of London (warning: Nerd Alert ahead), upon thinking about places to go & what to do when I visit this summer, I immediately knew I wanted to go here. And yes, I know I'm 31 years old but this will be one kick ass place to visit.

Also, if you have suggestions/tips/advice about London, PLEASE comment below or email me. I'm really interested in everything and anything people have to tell me.

and I leave you with this - while looking through old pictures the other day, I came across this one - looks like I knew how to rock out from the beginning:

Me around 8 or 9 months old (I was a FAT baby.)

Me in August 2011 at Coney Island.
(Damn, I have some WHITE ASS legs.)

Yeah. Not much has changed in 31 years.