365 days

On July 13, 2015 so much shit hit the fan in my life that it felt like my world was falling apart. I hated my job (and still do), I hated my therapist, I found out that some of my friends weren't being my friends at all and the worst blow - I got broken up with by someone I thought I loved in one of the worst ways possible (life tip: a Skype/video call is DEFINITELY NOT how you break up with someone who you've been dating for almost 2 years/known for over 3 years, especially when that someone is 5,000 miles away in a DIFFERENT COUNTRY. It will most definitely give you a new title: ball-less coward).

I was beyond upset and most definitely angry, especially with the breakup. After the initial shock and anger dissipated, I started sinking into one of the worst bouts of depression I've ever had. I wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything. All I wanted was to stay in my apartment, get so high I didn't have to think anymore and sleep. What I really wanted was to stop hurting & I didn't think it would ever stop. I was so mentally & emotionally spent I literally felt like a zombie. Getting through the monotony of a workday was even too much at times for me to handle (I used a lot of sick days during this time.) Life seemed pointless & worthless to me. It felt like I would never recover from feeling that way - I could barely sit at my desk at work, how could I manage to get out of what seemed like an endless pit of depression? It got so bad at times that for the first time in a long time, contemplated suicide. To add to all this, my anxiety grew worse and I experienced my first of many panic/anxiety attacks. This bout continued for the rest of the summer and into the fall. 

I can't tell you how or the moment it happened but somehow & in some way, I got myself out of the pit and started to figure out what I could do to get help, find myself again and move on. 

July 13, 2016. 365 days have passed since that awful night spent weeping over my laptop, staring back at a person who turned out not be the man I thought he was, thinking my life had finally turned into a complete & utter shit show. But that was a year ago. A lot can happen in that time and a lot did. 

Over the last year, I've applied to, got accepted to and will be going back to school in the fall for Veterinary Technology. I'm seeing both a therapist and psychiatrist that I like. I've traveled to new places and met new people. I have some of the best friends a person could ask for and parents who are very loving and supportive. I've cut all contact from the ball-less coward and a few other friends who weren't respectful to me as a friend or as a person. I feel much stronger mentally and at times, emotionally. I still have bad days and sometimes my depression & anxiety get the best of me but I feel so much more confident now and am able to handle them better. At this moment (and I never thought I'd be able to say this), I'm happy & excited to see what the future holds for me.  

I don't think about it as much anymore but I had so many questions and worries about everything after the break up a year ago. I recently saw this blog post and can not thank the author enough for writing it. It hits every nail on the head and felt like she was reading my mind. (I enjoy a lot of her other posts too!) It made me feel better, especially knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way:

http://www.annabash.com/new-blog/closure

To my friends, parents and Fang (who I will read this to since she can't) - I can not thank you enough for your love, your ears, your voices, your hugs, your help and for just being your awesome selves. I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me and helped me to acknowledge my awesome self. I'll leave you all with a lyric that has always meant a lot to me and think of almost daily, even more so in this last year:

"Sometimes it's hard to remember,

I couldn't do this on my own." - FT

Thank you and know I'm always here for any of you. 

My 2015

*I adopted Ms. Fang, former Queen of Meow Parlour and current Queen of Brooklyn & Awesomeness.

*I spent a glorious & life changing month travelling throughout England. My appreciation for the English countryside has grown expontentially.

*I made a lot of new friends & got rid of some not so good friends too.

*I saw LOTS of amazing art, everything & anything from live music to Stonehenge, from magic to English castles and everything in between.

*It took about a year but I quit seeing my therapist and found a new one that I really like and feel more comfortable with. 

*After 3 years of friendship & almost 2 years as a couple, I got broken up with & had my heart broken in the worst way I've ever experienced. I consider it an accomplishment since it made me realize that he's not the person I thought he was & I am better off without him. Plus I now have a damn good, almost unbeatable breakup story to tell. Good Riddance to him! 

*I met my current bf and he is most wonderfully handsome, kind & supportive person I know :) 

*I finally got my shit together and applied to school. If it all works out, I'm hoping to start next fall.
*I didn't die.

*I realized that I should love myself more & give myself more credit when it is due.
*I also realized that I need to stop apologizing, worrying or getting worked up about things I did not cause or that I have/had no control over.

Simply put, my 2015 was all over the place. I had some amazing times, some really shitty ones too but I wouldn't have changed one bit of it. I learned a lot about people and more importantly, I learned a lot about myself.

Like last year, I'm not making any specific goals. I just want to get better in anyway that I possibly can.
Here's hoping that I can continue to take risks, grow, love and be the best daughter, friend, partner & person I can be in 2016.

A quote from one of my favorite people on the planet seems like a good way to start off the New Year:

It's important to try to step into the unknown. - Joan Jett

I hope everyone has had a lovely holiday season. Enjoy NYE & be safe. I wish everyone a happy, healthy & awesome 2016.

2014/2015

'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...'

That Dickens' quote briefly and accurately describes my 2014.
(and yes I know it's already January 15th - whatever)

2014 was quite a year:
I saw friends, family, new states/cities, new places, nature, music.
I experienced art, love, life, loss.
I felt heartbreak, joy, carefree, love, depressed, anxious, frustrated, lost.
I gained memories, knowledge, new ink, new friends, advice, insight, love.
I lost Lucy, patience, time, hope and for a while, myself.

Over the last few years at the beginning of the new year, I've made a list of goals for myself for the upcoming year. I've been successful at completing some of the things on said lists (I did at least 3 of those things on that list!) but this year I think I'm taking a different approach. I'm not going to make a list or even write down what I hope to do or see or improve on. This is not to say I don't have some objectives in mind to tackle and accomplish this year because I do. I just feel that this year, more than any other, is a year of just being - being present, being in the moment, being surrounded by the people and things that I love, being proactive in moving forward, being mindful, peaceful, loving and most of all, being me.

So for 2015, I'm just going to be.

remember...

For whatever reason(s), I haven't written anything that isn't work or job search-related in quite some time.

While enjoy the day off, the idea came to me to write about what today means to me.
I also realized that this piece has helped me get some much needed words/thoughts out and onto paper.

--------------

Sitting side by side on the edge of a dimly lit hotel parking lot.
It was late.
The Seattle mist fell down on us but we didn't care...
at least we were alone.
In this moment, it felt like we were the only people in the world.

You gave me your long-sleeved shirt to wear and we just held each other in the dark.
I wish we had more time before we had to go our separate ways.
I asked you what would happen, where would we go from here.

You told me, as you looked in my eyes, that 'we would work something out - we would find a way'.
I saw wonder in your eyes and heard the hope in your voice - it made me hopeful in us.



Labor Day has never been the best or most memorable holiday...
until I spent it with you.
This is the holiday I think about when I'm sad, upset, frustrated, anxious or feeling shitty.
I think about us in Seattle. I think about you.
You give me hope. You always have.

I can only wish that I give you some hope.
Hope in yourself. Hope in us.

My 2014 list: January Recap

To help keep me on track with this list, I'm going to do a recap at the end of each month to note what I've accomplished from my list and what I still need to work on. Here's my recap for the 1st month of the year:

I got my side/ribcage tattoo done! I am SO happy with the final result. It wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it would be but it was definitely uncomfortable and started to really hurt after awhile. Here's a picture:

I've wanted a tattoo of a lion for a while because the lion has several meanings to me: it's the symbol of my zodiac sign (Leo) and it's the emblematic animal of the House of Gryffindor (HUGE Harry Potter nerd right here). The Lion is seen as a majestic animal - he's the king of the jungle! The lion symbolizes strength, courage & honor. More simply, the lion is one of the biggest cats in the world and we all know how I feel about cats :)

I've made some progress on the guitar - I can play all the main chords except F (fuck that chord, no pun intended) without having  to look them up, I learned how to play a few new songs including 2 new DMB songs and I learned how to tune to drop D. I need to work on my strumming and keep practicing at least 15-20 minutes a day.

I finished reading Insurgent (the 2nd book in the Divergent trilogy by Veronica Roth). In all honesty, I started reading it before the new year but I finished it this month. I'm currently reading the 3rd and final book in the Divergent trilogy, Allegiant and Turn Around Bright Eyes: The Rituals of Love and Karaoke by Rob Sheffield.



I've been doing some research on Burlington, VT (things to do, places to go, where to stay) and hoping maybe I can go back up there sometime in August, maybe for my birthday. That's definitely a work in progress.

Speaking of work, my job has been extremely frustrating lately but I've been trying to not let it get to me. While I'm looking for other job possibilities, it's not looking too promising. Instead of having the 'fuck this place & everyone here' attitude, I try to tell myself  'do your job, do it well and get through each day one at a time' - that's sort of working for the most part. I wonder how hard it would be to switch careers at this stage... I would have to make some sacrifices but if it means I'm happier and not stuck here for the rest of time, it would be definitely be worth it.


So I can cross off one thing on the list and I've made progress on several other things listed.
I'd say it's been a good start to the new year :)

A list that has nothing to do with buzzfeed. Also, this thing still exists!

I like lists. Lists make sense to me. Especially 'to do' lists - it puts items in a nice, linear order, then its given bullets or numbers with the expectation that you will eventually cross that item off after completion. That's why people have bucket lists don't they?
Anyway, not only do lists look aesthetically pleasing to me but writing something out helps me remember it better. I've always been a visual learner.

As people started to talk about making resolutions and goals for the new year, I started to think of things I wanted to do in 2014. So, I made a list. Some of these might be easier to do than others but that doesn't mean I won't try it or do more of it. So here it is:

-start working on my t-shirt blanket
-spend more time in Prospect Park
-visit a new state
-watch less TV
-get my side/ribcage tattoo done (or at least started)
-become more confident playing guitar
-spend a weekend in Burlington, VT, preferably in the summer or fall
-sign up for another session (or 2) of roller derby
-do yoga at least once a week 
-learn how to make my own pizza
-be aggressive at searching for a new job
-visit a vineyard
-read at least 1 book a month
-see the Grand Canyon in person
-write/type more of my thoughts down...
-go back to the UK, especially to see Ireland and Scotland (highly unlikely in 2014 but maybe in 2015)

So let's get to it - here's to a happy and healthy year of crossing things off of your list.

these things.

knowing spring is here (even though the weather won't let us believe it) and that summer is close behind and thinking of all the amazing things I have planned to fill them.

baseball will be back 1 week from today.

making a friend laugh when they really needed it.

falling asleep/waking up next to someone.

having people take a chance on you.

reading 'they don't think it's cancer' in a text message from someone you love.

watching a Dad on the subway not so secretly 'steal' Teddy Grahams from his child's snack bag and eat them.

seeing one of your favorite movies of all time in a theater.

getting woken up by your pet just so they can cuddle with you.

seeing/reading this (via PostSecret) and having it stir up some faith in yourself:

#42

I was fortunate enough to meet Mariano Rivera once.

It was July 2006 at Yankee Stadium, outside the Yankees locker room (no, I really wasn't supposed to be down there but yes I had a sweet connection that managed to sneak me down there after the game.) I was standing in the hallway outside of where most of the press gathered pre and post games. I walked up to him and said "Excuse Mr. Rivera, would you mind signing my Dad's jersey? I would appreciate it."  He smiled and said very softspokenly, "yes, of course." He signed it, I thanked him several times, shook his hand and watched him leave. He could not have been nicer and I've heard from many, before and after this encounter, that he has always been a gracious & humble man. He seems like a superhero that can throw the most lethal of cutters across the plate but he is also a father that would watch his kids get on the school bus in the morning and oblige neighborhood fans for autographs and meetings. (He lived several streets over from where I grew up in the mid 90s as well.)

As a sports fan, especially a Yankee fan, I know I'm very lucky to have witnessed his greatness in my lifetime and especially in person at the 'Houses that Ruth (and now George) Built.' I have no doubt he will go on to be inducted into the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown and will forever be known in Yankee & baseball history as one of the best players to ever play the game. 'Enter Sandman' has forever taken on new meaning to all fans.

Mo, Thank you for all your hard work and efforts over the years in pinstripes.
Enjoy this final season - I know I will.

Nobody puts Baby in the corner

"I told you I was telling the truth Daddy. I'm sorry I lied to you. But you lied too. You told me everyone was alike and deserved a fair break. But you meant everyone who was like you. You told me you wanted me to change the world, make it better. But you meant by becoming a lawyer or an economist and marrying someone from Harvard. I'm not proud of myself, but I'm in this family too and you can't keep giving me the silent treatment. There are a lot of things about me that aren't what you thought. But if you love me, you have to love all the things about me. And I love you, and I'm sorry I let you down, I'm so sorry Daddy. But you let me down too."




I wish life could be more like the last scene/final show of the season from Dirty Dancing.

random thoughts

I have now become that person at concerts/shows who calls people out on doing douchebag-things like shoving/pushing and acting like they are the only people there to see the show. Most people appreciate me saying something since no one else does, especially since it usually get directed to underaged teenagers. It also makes me feel old.

After watching most of the Oscars, I now understand what people who don't follow/like sports feel like during sporting major events. Nothing really stood out to me but I was really impressed with the set & lighting design on stage the whole night. I have wanted to see Silver Linings Playbook for awhile, I just haven't gotten a chance.


I feel like I've been a bad friend lately.  I've been stumbling along with a lot on my own plate so if I've been distant and neglectful, I do apologize.

I still have yet to revise my short story. Another thing I keep putting off - I feel completely stuck and in a fog about it.

You've been in my dreams lately.
It makes me wish I could stay asleep all the time.
I doubt you feel the same but I just thought you should know.


Saw this today & loved it:

 

And now I'm off to bed and hopefully dreamland.

things I did this weekend that helped me not lose my mind after a frustrating and emotional week

slept in and slept well. I even dreamed. I had some weird dreams but dreams nonetheless.

talked with/vented to great friends, some who reached out to me when I didn't expect anyone to. That means more to me than they know. I am truly fortunate to have amazing people in my life.

went to yoga and did certain poses I thought I couldn't do anymore.

heard a song that seemed at first to be playing at an inappropriate time but then it hit me, in a way that I felt like it was speaking to me. That sounds really stupid but honestly, it couldn't have come at a better time. 

relaxed in a hot bath until my skin was bright red and my fingers look like raisins.

watched some of my favorite movies.

snuggled with my cats.

wrote this and started to revise the 2nd draft of my short story for a writing project.

revised my resume, posted it a few sites and sent it to a few different people.

realized that I need to do things for me every once in awhile and make myself happy before anything and anyone else.


I had a good 'me' weekend. I should have them more often.

venting.

There are few times in my life where I have been rendered speechless. I can count them on one hand. All of them involved hearing things I didn't want to or wishing that at that specific moment I could disappear.
I now have another one to add to that list. When I received the phone call I did on Sunday, I could do nothing more that just listen. But listening was more than enough to bear.

The little unit of a 'family' that I once had is no more.

Honestly, it neither surprised me nor saddened me to finally hear that those words have become a reality. For as long as I can remember, we've never felt like a family. From a young age, we were rarely all together. In high school, I started comparing our relationships to each other as being more like '3 roommates who had different lives all living in the same house but just happened to be related' than being a family. With age, I realized the issues that were going on & the stress and unhappiness it was causing that began to mount higher and higher.


If anything, I'm more concerned about what is going to happen from here on out. What the future holds for each of us. Being an only child just complicates things. Plus as an adult, you would think this would be easier to handle. Then again, emotions don't care about age or time.


It's times like this I wish I had someone to hug me and hold me, whispering in my ear that everything's going to be okay. Instead I walk around this city, alone, with music blaring deafeningly through my headphones, in hopes it will block everything out - even my own thoughts.

I want to see love, feel love, know love. Lately there hasn't been too much of it around for me.
I have a lot of love to give - it just seems that no one wants it.


Not a single Happy Valentine's Day. Not even from them.


It's been some week. I am glad it's over.

goodbye 2012. hello 2013, my Jesus year.

If celebrating the fact that it's my Jesus year doesn't get you excited for 2013, then I don't know what will.

2012 was a really great year for me. I honestly can't believe all the wonderful experiences, amazing people and unforgettable memories I had all year, especially this summer. To be fair, my year was far from perfect - I did have some issues in the form of debit card theft, job strife (currently on-going) and a very well sprained ankle to deal with. But those were just hiccups. I was truly fortunate this year & kept thinking I didn't want it to end. But as the calendar and real life reminded me, I knew that it would ultimately have to. So is life.


I was looking back on goals I set (and wrote about here on this blog) over the last 2 years and I'm really impressed with the things I've accomplished, whether intentional or not:
I've been cigarette free for 2 years now.
I put my dancing shoes back on and danced on stage for the first time in a long time.
I have pushed myself more so creatively, especially in writing and I continue to do so.
I've tried new things and taken risks - not caring if I failed or succeeded but to just do them.


As I think about what I want to accomplish this year, I have less specific goals than in the past. Some seem a bit more generalized but can be open to interpretation:

*Be active - This for me can be interpreted on many different levels from 'turn off the TV and go outside/write/read more' to 'get my lazy ass to yoga more'
*Continue to push and put myself out there creatively (again WRITE MORE - I might bring back the Free Thought Fridays to help keep the writing up)
*Give more to others
*Try to put more money into my savings account instead of taking it out
*See a baseball game in a stadium I haven't been to before
*Visit a new state
*Take a real vacation - going to London really opened my eyes to what 'getting away' means. Even if it's just a long weekend of going somewhere by myself, I really love the idea of just leaving life behind for awhile and doing something for yourself.

And this is the biggest one of all:
*I would really really REALLY like to leave my job. I want to start working towards a career in media, and not just have a job. I don't feel challenged anymore where I am & I have no potential for growth. And ultimately, I want to enjoy what I do. I had some potential bites this past year but nothing came from it. I'm hoping that this year brings some new opportunities or at least a step in the right direction.
(Hey Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - this is where you guys come in!)


All this aside, I want 2013 to be just as awesome as 2012. No, actually I want it to be better - a bigger and better year filled with more adventures & more amazing things.
I mean it is my Jesus year, people. Something epic has to happen.

So, I'm ready for you 2013 - you better be ready for me :)

I've had the time of my life...

What did I do this Summer you ask?
Well here is an abridged list...

I traveled. To new places, to old places.
I traveled with friends, to see friends and made a TON of new ones.
I traveled with family and even by myself.
I traveled a whole lot of miles to see my favorite band all over the country, even all the way to the west coast.
I got Dave Matthews to turn around on his bike and come back to say hi to me (and others) and also wear my sock monkey hat in the middle of a heatwave.
I gave Stefan Lessard a monkey and my autograph. (not kidding)
I rediscovered love & happiness again.
I might have found what U2 was looking for...
I traveled across an ocean for the 1st time.
I walked around London like I owned it. and I walked A LOT.
I got tattooed. (of course)
I got to experience an Olympic city in person.
I officially confirmed my nerdiness for all that is Harry Potter by going here.
I took a bazillion pictures. yes, 1 bazillion. pictures of what? pictures of EVERYTHING. (You can see all my London pictures here and all my DMB pictures are in albums on Facebook)
I met some Olympians. and Danny Devito.
I had about 4 or 5 famous people tell me that my tattoos are 'really cool', 'very nice' or 'sick'.
I got to talk to and drink whiskey with one of my favorite English musicians.
I also got the drunkest I've been in a LONG time in London.(thank you, Frank Turner)

I was in the most kickass picture ever taken on Abbey Road (sorry Paul, John, George & Ringo but it's true):

I got to do roll call at Yankee Stadium with Bald Vinny & the Bleacher Creatures. (!!!!!!)
I got on the jumbotron at Yankee Stadium while doing my best YMCA. (the C goes to the left people)
I got on TV while singing and dancing like a fool. several times.


Basically with a mix of spontaneity, luck and a whole lot of love, I have had some of the most memorable & incredibly amazing times of my life this summer. It will certainly be hard to top it.

Goodbye Summer 2012. You will be missed and forever remembered.

Free Thought Fridays (Issue 9) - Triple Threat Edition

I know, I know. I haven't posted in 3 weeks. In my defense, I have been busy. And no, that's not an excuse like "oh, sorry I haven't called you back - I've been SO busy that I can't pick up the phone, hit 1 button to talk to you while I do some random other thing and multitask" kind of excuse - I have been BUSY busy.

Here are some of the things I have done in the last 3 weeks (in no particular order):

~working my BUTT off (I have been a slave to the Paley Center this past month.)
~saw Sleep No More
~went to 2 concerts
~went to the Brooklyn Flea
~got more tattoo work done (left forearm is still a work in progress)
~cleaning up after my cats (this requires A LOT of time - they are just like teenagers I swear)
~going to Yoga
~NOT drinking ( i've gone over 1 month of no alcohol! yeah, I KNOW right?!)
~going to brunch
~opening an online savings account (nothing says 'you're a grown up' more than that statement I just wrote down)
~asking anyone who knows anything about London about places to go/things to do when I'm there
~fighting a losing battle against my sinuses (I foresee another z-pack in my future)
~practicing my dance routines (practicing them in my head counts, right?)
~sleeping whenever possible
~spent hours previewing songs on itunes debating on whether I like it enough to buy it or just continue to listen to it on Spotify
~spent hours on youtube watching things like this or like this and finally this

So yeah, I've been pretty busy.

I would write more but at this moment but I'm going home to sleep and attempt to breathe normally again.

Wish me luck.

Free Thought Fridays (Issue 8) - Monday Edition

Doing the Monday thing again - work has been pretty hectic with Paley Fest starting last week and all - plus I wanted something to distract me from doing work today so here I am.

Round Trip flight to London has been purchased! It's actually happening people, I'm leaving the United States and going abroad. This is the first real adult vacation and the first time I've taken any sort of vacation in over a decade. Next on my agenda - get a passport (yeah, I've never had one of those.) I'm hoping to get that done sometime this week at the post office. I guess it's time to dig out my birth certificate.

Also, all 3 dates that I requested for the DMB 2012 Summer tour are MINE! Alpine & Bethel, here I come! Also, I'm bringing my Mom to her first DMB show. Yep. That is also going to happen this Summer.

Spring is almost here! and I can't wait to see this happen - and the Botanical Garden is right across the street from my apartment! I'm also really excited to see this exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum which is also right across the street from me. (Don't tell anyone but in the almost 2 years that I've been living in Prospect Heights, I haven't been to either of these amazing places - I know, I'm terrible.)

and now a random thought on the subject of museums:
When I was younger, I used to think that the giant blue whale that hangs in the Ocean Life Hall at the American Museum of Natural History in Manhattan was real. I knew it wasn't alive anymore (duh - it needed to be in water to survive) but I thought it was some sort of frozen/preserved version of an actual blue whale. I also thought I would be the one it would come crashing down and fall on if I walked underneath it.

As promised, here is my newest ink:



I go back in about 2 weeks to get some more work done on my left forearm.

and I leave you all with this: a recipe for Funfetti Cake Batter Dip. yeah, I know - I'm evil.

Free Thought Fridays (Issue 7)

I usually don't participate in the whole Lent 'giving something up' deal but I think I'm going to challenge myself this year. Hell, if I can quit smoking, I think I can do just about anything. So I decided to give up alcohol. Yep, you read that correctly. It's definitely going to be challenging to do for 40 straight days but I'm pretty confident I can do it.

I'm getting new ink tomorrow! There are very few things that get me as excited as getting tattoo work done. I'm really excited to see how my ideas all come together tomorrow. and yes, pictures will most definitely be posted in next week's FTF.

In the last 10 days, I've gotten flowers (delivered to my job no less) and a mixed CD from a guy. I must be doing something right. or that magic spell is really working.

Mixes (tapes or CDs or playlists) are completely underrated - if you love music and getting a creative gift, then you really can't go wrong with getting a mix from someone. Sure you might not love ALL the songs but I guarantee you will discover a new song by a band you love or a new artist all together. I'm going to start utilizing this gift more. (hint hint, friends and loved ones)

It kind of bothers me when the only person who gets the final Jeopardy! question right doesn't win the overall game.

The top 2 reasons I am so excited to go to London this Summer (and I'm not joking):
-to hear everyone talk in an English accent
-to re-enact this scene from "National Lampoon's European Vacation"

Speaking of London (warning: Nerd Alert ahead), upon thinking about places to go & what to do when I visit this summer, I immediately knew I wanted to go here. And yes, I know I'm 31 years old but this will be one kick ass place to visit.

Also, if you have suggestions/tips/advice about London, PLEASE comment below or email me. I'm really interested in everything and anything people have to tell me.

and I leave you with this - while looking through old pictures the other day, I came across this one - looks like I knew how to rock out from the beginning:

Me around 8 or 9 months old (I was a FAT baby.)

Me in August 2011 at Coney Island.
(Damn, I have some WHITE ASS legs.)

Yeah. Not much has changed in 31 years.

Free Thought Fridays (Issue 6)

I got an orchid for valentine's day. For only the 3rd time in my 31.5 years on this planet (yeah that percent is pretty terrible - let's not even think about it.) It's starting to look pretty pathetic though - I don't really know what to do with flowers/plants but to water them...how am I allowed to have animals? Maybe it's best I don't continue to receive flowers.

I got kicked out a bar for only the second time in my life last weekend (and I don't remember the 1st instance except that I somewhat remember ordering a gin gimlet - I don't even know what's in that. yeah, I was WASTED.) Let's hope that I am not shunned from the Ale House for all eternity.

Not only did DMB tour dates get announced this week (I'm only going to 2 stops this tour - shocking I know) but I also figured out when & how long I will be in London this summer. I'm pretty sure I will be out of NYC more than in it for the month of July. Making vacation plans to do SUPER FUN AWESOME things is getting me so excited for this summer. Plus it's helping me forget that it's only February.

It's such a shame when amazing, hardworking, talented people I know get shit on. Working in the arts is a tough, no-fucks given business.

The first few pieces of music I remember owning were: 45s of Wham! "Wake Me Up (Before You Go-Go), Stevie Wonder "I just called to say I Love You" and cassette tapes of the following: Billy Ocean's Caribbean Queen, Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas Album, The Dirty Dancing Soundtrack and Whitney Houston's "The Greatest Love of All". I'm pretty sure the cassettes (except for the Chipmunks) all belonged to my Mom before I 'borrowed' them but I remember hearing Whitney at a young age and being in awe of her voice. In 3rd grade, some girls and I made up a dance to do at a school talent show to "I wanna Dance with Somebody" (which I'm pretty sure consisted of us 'step-touch'ing, putting our hands in the air and turning a lot) but we thought we rocked since we were dancing along to Whitney's awesome vocals and that catchy beat. Then in the early 90s, I was slightly obsessed with The Bodyguard soundtrack (don't judge). Whitney's ability to turn a song into a hit was magic. She really had an amazing gift and we were all very lucky to experience it. She was an icon, a diva, a voice of a generation. Her legacy won't soon be forgotten. Thanks for the memories and wonderful music, Whitney.

Free Thought Fridays (Issue 5)

This week has been busy and I don't really feel well so this Issue will be short.

My sinuses are out of control. I can't breathe, it feels like my head is going to explode and I just want to curl up in bed and sleep. How is it that I feel worse than I did last week?

I definitely do not like the new Facebook timeline layout. It's awful. Things that I thought I posted on my wall don't seem to be there or at least they're not visible to me. Shit is just all over the place in different sized boxes. It definitely is making me consider limiting my time on it now - I really like it for the albums/pictures and for events/invites but other than that, I think my Facebook days are numbered.

There is still much to consider but I'm about 80-85% sure I will be going to London this summer.

I'm going to try to leave work a little early, go to the walk-in clinic & hopefully get some antibotics - Anyone want to make me dinner and bring it to sick little me?

Free Thought Fridays (Issue 4 - Monday Edition)

Pardon me for not holding true to the Friday part of this entry. In my defense, work was a bit crazy and I ended up making some last minute plans Friday night. Then it hit me Saturday afternoon when I was coming back from the gym that I had forgotten to post my weekly entry.
I'm not perfect. I forget shit sometimes. There I said it. Let's move on.

In the last 2 weeks, I have been to the movies 3 times. I think I saw a total of 2 movies in the theater in all of 2011 so I'm already ahead of the game this year.

I don't care what anyone else says or how much people laugh at me, Forrest Gump will always be in my Top 5 of my favorite movies ever. From the moment I saw it for the 1st time in the theater back in 1994 (by accident mind you - my best friend and I had wanted to go see something else but I think it was sold out), it has left a lasting impression on me. I don't know exactly why I felt that way about it but I won't forget that feeling of awe after the movie was over. Honestly, I'm glad that other movie was sold out - it still remains one of the best movies I've seen in the theater.
"I happen to believe you make your destiny. You have to do the best with what God gave you."

My sinuses and I are at war. Right now they are winning the battle of "not letting Nicole breathe and making her head all achy and stuffy." I feel so sluggish. It sucks.

I bought a pair of plain old blue Levis last week for the 1st time in I can't even remember.

and last but not least, I leave you all with this link. I stumbled across it when I was doing some research:
http://www.alincoln-library.com/abraham-lincoln-quotes.shtml